Thursday, September 29, 2005

Not Yet Empty 1

The room looks empty and dead now. I just came back from the magazine store down the street. Trying to get the new edition of a home d├ęcor magazine. I never like home decorating but right now I need it, I need it very much so that my soul could rejuvenate.
This place will never be the same again. That, I am pretty sure. Don’t ask me why because right now even I couldn’t understand what I’m feeling as the shock of the news still fresh in my mind. I believe my adrenaline still swarming all over my body through fresh red blood in my body.
I switched on the kitchen light. Another empty space gushing into my eyes. Empty from the presence of a body. A body that was always there day and night, filling the kitchen space with his aromatic cooking and energetic movements. I looked around, trying very hard to reminisce and at the same time savoring the scent of him. My wish come true, the scent touch my nostrils and sent electrical vibes to my brain telling me that I have found what I was looking for. The scent, it’s there, it still is, oh how I miss it. I inhale deeper, I want the smell so much that I inhale so deep until my lungs started to tell me that it can expand no more and it is time to let it go. No, I can’t let it go, I need this smell, I need it, I need him. The air goes out my nose, through my nostrils so fast, like the speed of lighting. I sense something missing in my heart. I longed for it.
Inhale again, but no, the scent was no longer there. It’s gone. Life goes on dear, you can’t hold on to something forever, especially those that you love so much. Sooner or later, the time to say good bye will come, when it does, whether you like it or not, you have to say good bye dear, you have to say it, that’s what my mother told me at time of my father’s funeral and I was crying softly with my hands holding her right arm. Now I lost Eidin, the one I love so much and I have to let him go, do I have to?

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