Friday, September 30, 2005

From Jeebah Fairuzzi

Standing by,
All the way.
Here to help you through your day.

Holding you up,
When you are weak,
Helping you find what it is you seek.

Catching your tears,
When you cry.
Pulling you through when the tide is high.

Just being there,
Through thick and thin,
All just to say, you are my friend.

  • Brittani Kokko

  • Posted by Jeembeem in my mail ... thanks Jeeb!!

NOt Yet Empty 2 (cont)

“Hi, I’m Eidin, the one who called about the room?”  He’s tall, medium build with a charming smile on a fair face.
“Yes, of course, come in!  I’m Fadly,” we shake hands, what a powerful handshake he has.  That smile, it never left the face.  A smile shows how friendly ones are, that what mom use to say.  His smile - this guy who is trying his luck to be my roommate - interest me.
He comes into the room, look briefly inside with still the smile on his face.  The smell of Armani for man fills the air.  Satisfaction looks smeared on his face as he look around the apartment and give few nods that says he has found what he was looking for.  
“Call me Idin.  I love this place, nice view of KL.  I love KL, do you love KL?”
“Well, I guess I do unless it’s morning time when everyone turn to be a killer driver as fast as making an instant coffee for breakfast.  Have a seat,” I showed him to the blue sofa that I bought from Fella design during their mid-year sale last year.
“Any drinks?”
“Cold one please, it’s bloody hot out there.” I move to the kitchen and open the refrigerator door.  My eyes scan for some cold drinks and decided on coke, after all that was the only drinks that I have.  I bend my body down and my hand picked up two cans of coke.  I did not sense any movement in the room so I was shocked when I turn away from the fridge, Idin was standing there, in the kitchen, smiling, then was when I realize how lovely he look.
“I thought I have a look at the kitchen.  I really like this place man, infact I love it.  When can I move in?”
“Whoa…hold on there, hold on right there, mate.  I don’t simply take a total stranger as my housemate you know.  I have few procedures that I need you to follow,” we were back in the living by now.  He gave me this blank look and god most gracious, this guy was sent to me from heaven.
“What procedures? You sound like some ISA personnel, hey, I’m clear man, no criminal records what so ever unless you regard fighting in school as one or not doing homework,” no more blank face but a smile and a laugh.  A sense of humor I reckon.
“Well I just don’t want to be in trouble in later days, that’s all.  In my place, no criminals, financially unstable, addicts, nor anything that is considered as social ills person.  So that was why the procedures exist.  If you can’t take it, then I’m afraid that you could not stand living with me as your housemate, can you?”
          He looks straight into my eyes.  Was I being to blunt? Or was I being too harsh on him?  He then seems to say something but hesitated a seconds later.  I can see that he was thinking, thinking hard, very hard.  His hands join together now making a big round double fist.  His eyes never left mine.  Out of nowhere my mind started telling me that he will get up and live the room, cursing me for not being open.  I was just playing safe.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Not Yet Empty 1

The room looks empty and dead now. I just came back from the magazine store down the street. Trying to get the new edition of a home d├ęcor magazine. I never like home decorating but right now I need it, I need it very much so that my soul could rejuvenate.
This place will never be the same again. That, I am pretty sure. Don’t ask me why because right now even I couldn’t understand what I’m feeling as the shock of the news still fresh in my mind. I believe my adrenaline still swarming all over my body through fresh red blood in my body.
I switched on the kitchen light. Another empty space gushing into my eyes. Empty from the presence of a body. A body that was always there day and night, filling the kitchen space with his aromatic cooking and energetic movements. I looked around, trying very hard to reminisce and at the same time savoring the scent of him. My wish come true, the scent touch my nostrils and sent electrical vibes to my brain telling me that I have found what I was looking for. The scent, it’s there, it still is, oh how I miss it. I inhale deeper, I want the smell so much that I inhale so deep until my lungs started to tell me that it can expand no more and it is time to let it go. No, I can’t let it go, I need this smell, I need it, I need him. The air goes out my nose, through my nostrils so fast, like the speed of lighting. I sense something missing in my heart. I longed for it.
Inhale again, but no, the scent was no longer there. It’s gone. Life goes on dear, you can’t hold on to something forever, especially those that you love so much. Sooner or later, the time to say good bye will come, when it does, whether you like it or not, you have to say good bye dear, you have to say it, that’s what my mother told me at time of my father’s funeral and I was crying softly with my hands holding her right arm. Now I lost Eidin, the one I love so much and I have to let him go, do I have to?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Review filem The Wooden Camera

Semalam aku berkesempatan menonton sebuah filem dari Afrika Selatan.  Tajuknya The Wooden Camera.  Pelakon-pelakon utamanya adalah 5 orang kanak-kanak disekitar usia 10 hingga 15 tahun.  Filem ini mendapat pengiktirafan di peringkat antarabangsa dan juga berjaya memenangi beberapa anugerah di dalam festival-festival yang disertainya itu.  

Sebuah filem mengenai kehidupan masyarakat Afrika Selatan pasca dasar apartheid.  Permulaan cerita lagi kita disajikan dengan sebuah kawasan setinggan penduduk kulit hitam yang kediaman mereka lebih bersifat pacthwork berbanding rumah.  Setinggan di Malaysia rasanya lebih tersusun.  

Filem ini juga membawakan tema kemanusiaan.  Maksud saya, perhubungan sesama manusia.  Di dalam sebuah masyarakat pasca Apartheid, perhubungan ini dilihat semakin kuat namun masih ada juga segelintir yang tidak dapat menerima perbezaan warna antara mereka.  Dan sikap ini bukan sahaja dapat dilihat pada watak-watak berkulit putih malah pada masyarakat kulit hitam juga.  Namun pengarah cuba juga mengatakan kepada dunia bahawa golongan yang menilai warna ini semakin pupus dan golongan yang lebih bersifat liberal sudah mula menguasai Afrika Selatan.  Ini diwakili oleh perhubungan intim antara Mateeba dan Estella yang kedua-duanya saya kira usia mereka dalam lingkungan 12 ke 15 tahun.  

Agak mengkagumkan juga pengarah memilih untuk menggunakan medium kanak-kanak untuk membicarakan soal cinta, kasih sayang, harapan dan cita-cita, kemiskinan dan krisis identiti.  Saya terfikir juga adakah Malaysia mempunyai anak-anak yang berbakat seperti ini?

Saya kagum dengan keupayaan pelakon-pelakon cilik ini.  Lakonan mereka tidak hebat (tidak mustahil satu hari nanti mereka akan menjadi hebat!) tetapi kena dengan konsep cerita ini yang melihat dunia dari mata mereka (kanak-kanak).  Kanak-kanak adalah golongan masyarakat yang sentiasa ‘innocent’.  Mereka sentiasa dalam satu peringkat yang kita katakana belajar untuk hidup.  Konsep inilah yang amat jelas dalam file mini namun adakalanya observasi mereka terhadap dunia sekitar lebih hebat daripada orang dewasa (watak Madeeba).

Cerita ini berjaya menonjolkan warna-warna kehidupan yang dilihat dari mata seorang kanak-kanak.  Sebagai seorang dewasa ia adalah satu metafora yang perlu kita nilai dan dalami maksudnya.  Agak menyedihkan juga kerana pada kala saya menonton cerita ini hanya ada dua orang sahaja penonton dan menurut pekerja-pekerja di sana, International Screen di GSC Penang memang tidak pernah berpenonton lebih daripada 5 orang.  Apakah kit abelum bersedia untuk menghargai filem-filem sebegini?


art@Greenhall

Friday, September 16, 2005

MERAK vs RERAMA

Kadang2 Dalam Kesibukkan Kita Menilai Cantiknya Rerama Di Seberang Laut, Kita Terlepas Pandang Cantiknya Merak Di Depan Mata. Merak Yang Kita Tunggu Kembangnya Selama Ini. Jgn Nanti Bila Merak Tu Dah Simpan Balik Kembangnya Baru Ko Tercari2 Lantas Memulakan Kembali Cycle Penantian Ittew

Review Malaikat di Jendela

Agak lewat juga saya memuntahkan pendapat mengenai tontonan saya ini, namun pengalaman yang dilalui masih lagi terpahat jelas di ingatan. Seminggu yang lalu saya berkesempatan meluangkan sedikit masa untuk menjenguk-jenguk Festival Filem Pelajar Malaysia yang diadakan di USM. Tujuan saya ke sana pada mulanya hanyalah kerana keinginan yang meluap-luap untuk menonton satu lagi karya Osman Ali – Malaikat di Jendela.

Akibat daripada publisiti yang tidak seberapa, festival ini yang sepatutnya gah (kalau tidak, tidak perlulah ianya dinamakan festival) kelihatannya lengang. Agak sukar bagi saya dan rakan untuk memastikan tempat tayangan filem tersebut. Nasib baiklah pada brosur yang diedarkan tertulis tempatnya di Pusat Pengajian Komunikasi. Namun begitu, kami tetap ragu-ragu kerana di Pusat Pengajian Komunikasi sendiri (yang saya kira tuan rumah program) kelihatannya seperti tiada apa yang berlaku.

Dalam kekeliruan mengenai keberadaan tempat tayangan itu, saya ditegur seorang kenalan yang merupakan pelajar Pusat berkenaan. Lantas saya bertanyakan dia mengenai tempat tayangan yang kami cari-cari. Rupa-rupanya tempat yang kami cari itu ditandai dengan penunjuk arah ‘studio pengambaran’. kami mengikut sahaja penunjuk arah yang disediakan itu dan perjalanan terhenti pada sebuah pintu yang terkunci. Jam menunjukkan tepat jam 2. Pada brosur dinyatakan masa tayangan ialah jam 2.

Jadi kami menunggu lagi hinggalah pintu dibuka sepuluh minit kemudian. Tidak perlu berebut untuk mendapatkan tempat kerana boleh dibilang dengan jari sahaja penonton yang hadir. Rata-ratanya penuntut di situ dan pekerja-pekerja mereka.

Tayangan bermula. Kami menonton dengan penuh minat.

Setelah 30 minit (satu durasi yang cukup pendek untuk sebuah filem yang cukup hebat), saya dan rakan berpandangan sesama kami.

“Cerita ni memang best!” kata rakan saya dan saya hanya mengangguk. Tidak ada apa yang dapat saya katakan pada ketika itu kerana saya masih lagi cuba untuk enjoy the movie.

Kekuatan cerita ini boleh saya katakan terletak pada sinematografinya yang begitu teliti pembikinannya. Osman Ali menggarap dengan baik kawasan pedalaman di daerah Chini Pahang dan membawanya masuk ke dalam jiwa penonton melalui permainan kamera yang baik – cekap sebenarnya.

Sekalung tahniah juga pada para pelakon yang menguatkan cerita ini. Ning Baizura (yang sehingga kini rakan saya masih lagi belum mampu mempercayai bagaimana Ning boleh melakonkan wataknya) memberikan persembahan mantap. Dengan ekspresi muka yang jelas menunjukkan Ning memahami watak yang diberikan padanya dan gaya lakon yang bersahaja membuatkan saya kagum dengan kemampuan Ning kali ini. Cumanya apabila dia berdialog, saya berasakan agak janggal pula dan kurang berkesan. Lakonan tanpa dialognya sudah cukup menceritakan kepahitan hidup yang dilalui.

Ini terbukti dengan kemunculan Haeri Yanto Hassan sebagai pemuda kampung. Dia tidak punya sebarang dialog pun sepanjang kemunculannya dalam filem ini namun wataknya disampaikan dengan baik hanya dengan permainan mata (ternanti-nanti kemunculan Haeri Yanto di layer perak tempatan sebagai pelakon utama).

Saliza Ali juga menunjukkan lakonan yang mantap. Jelas pada mata saya yang dia amat menantikan kelahiran anak dalam kandungan itu walaupun bapanya tidak diwujudkan dalam cerita ini. Di sini pengarah seakan mahu menegaskan lagi kekuatan jati diri seorang wanita pada pandangan matanya. Walaupun sebelum itu ciri-ciri wanita yang tewas kepada gelojak nafsu dipaparkan namun kemunculan watak Saliza Ali dan ketabahan watak yang dibawa Ning untuk mencari kembali pangkal jalan yang ditinggalkan, telah mengaburi sifat negatif tadi.

Secara telus, filem pendek ini telah dapat melaungkan ke seluruh dunia mengenai kekuatan wanita, ketabahan mereka dan dilema mereka dalam menghadapi hari-hari yang tidak pernah berbau. Tahniah kepada Osman Ali dan pasukannya. Tidak sabar menantikan kelahiran filem Osman Ali yang lain dan kelahiran filem-filem sebegini.

Untuk penganjur Festival, terima kasih kerana membawakan beberapa filem terbaik negara tapi kalau festival itu benar-benar bersifat festival, bukankah lebih baik?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

SINGLE YET MINGLE

I have been single for almost half a year now. It’s my decision and I believe it as my destiny as well. Single but not alone – hate the word, hate the consequences that are related to it. I am single and mingle – a continuous look for the special breed, that special breed of men.

I am not opposing the idea of a live long relationship attach with marriage or mutual love just that the idea of sharing your life with a stranger sounds rather absurdly awkward. Yes, of course you know your partner before you decide to spend your lifetime together, forever but haven’t you come across time when there seems to be not much space for you, even to breath let alone a privacy.

This is a question of commitment. Can you commit or can’t you? I have come across people that believe (read: really believe) that they can commit. Yet when the time came, the commitment goes nowhere to be found. What had happen? Were they chicken out or they misjudge their ability. So I say, I’m not a committed guy when one talk about relationship. I have bigger commitment to endure so I have to put relationship aside (for now).

Relationship demands extra care and that makes you need extra time and extra energy. If all this while the only thing you can think of is your stomach (this is an example), now there’s two and sooner or later it will be three, four, five, or may be even twelve or more (this goes to hetero relationship). Are you ready for that? Are you sure? We are not just talking about filling one’s stomach here, how about fillings one’s soul with love, care and tender? Can you? And if you could and you did, will you get back what you give? If yes, congratulation to you, if not, well, tough luck!

All in all, what one should do is to have in mind what do they want in life. How far you want to go in your present/future relationship. Don’t wait until when you have bring in someone into your life, then only you want to pause to ponder – is this a good decision or it is not? It’s never to late but why wait for so long and until other people has been involve then only you want to decide.

Better till, stay single but do mingle….

RM 200

RM 200.00

Finally, my august salary landed with a bump in my account. A week has passed since the date they promise. What took them so long, nobody knows. Finally I can stop peeking into my wallet and counting the bills inside before chooses a meal.

Miss those years in school when you don’t have to care how much money you have in your wallet and the only thing you care is how to tackle your parents to give you extra allowances.

Even back in University, I don’t really experience shortage of money (nak kata diri tu murah rezekilah – toya!) but now, it’s very hard to keep a straight face when you know for the fact that you only have RM 2 in your wallet. Just enough for toll.

Sad but it’s is true.

It all started when I was working with my uncle. Payment was like RM 10 per day. Business wasn’t good and there were times I don’t even get paid for that day. So, I give up the job and now working with a new employer.

Here, they pay me RM 800.00 per month. Few friends tell me that I can’t be making a living with RM 800 per month. This is Penang, though it is not KL yet the life expense is almost the same. What inspire me the most is the fact that a cleaner lady here is making RM 200.00 per month (I don’t know whether she has some other jobs). How can one live with RM 200 and I can’t be living with RM 800?

This cleaner lady must have some responsibility towards others (kids, siblings, mother) and to herself as well. Can the RM 200 be enough? Actually how enough is enough?

A bit bout cleaner lady

This cleaner lady of ours (The Actors Studio Greenhall), I call her Auntie Ju-On (based on a Japanese horror flick with the same name) because of a Ju-On like accident we encounter few months ago. This lady is so frail that the first time I saw her I can’t keep wondering how she manage to do all the work. She came with her bike every Thursday and Saturday for cleaning works. She’s suppose to come on Tuesday as well but she didn’t. don’t know why since she can’t converse either in Malay or English and I can’t speak Hokkien. So any direction I should give and she should understand is given and taken by mutual understanding (nodding, sign language, body language – theater experience does work here). Her bike, an old red Raleigh will be park in front of the theater and locked with an oily old bike lock (the one you use back in Sekolah Rendah). She’ll come in and do her work for about 3 or 4 hours and then she go back. In order to tell me that she’s going back, she’ll said ‘bye!’ and showed me the door. Funny hah!

That’s our cleaner lady. She earned RM 200 a month. She worked hard for herself and her family. Little I know about her. Still she survives didn’t she? Why can’t I with RM 800.



Tuesday, September 06, 2005

MERUKAS

Dua entry untuk hari ini. sebenarnya aku nak tulis on this issue tapi terbuat poem plak. so today's second entry is about merukas...

merukas, ape ittew?

Merukas ini adalah bersamaan dgn merokok. Ala2 fefonens wat bahsa sendiri gtew.

Ajaibnya rokok nan sebatang mampu menghubungkan orang
Ajaibnya rokok nan sebatang mampu memulakan persahabatan
Ajaibnya rokok nan sebatang mampu mengindahkan malam-malam sepi
Ajaibnya rokok nan sebatang mampu membuatkan aku dahagakan ia lagi

Aku bukanlah tak pernah merokok cumanya tak pernahlah addicted to it. merokok lite-lite jer ala2 satu dua pam and member punya. Tak pernah mahu addicted sebab aku tahu tanpa rokok pun aku takde duit nk hidup, nak tambah satu lagi kandungan? susah beb, aku lebih rela beli nasik ayam.
tapi
ada tapinya
last weekend I found out something good about this rokok. Itu yang aku can come out with sajak pendek kat atas (sajakkah ittew?) Aku rasa semacam pelik je bila dengan sebatang rokok yang aku pow housemate aku, aku dapat seorang kawan. kes mintak lighter jer heheheh apa kes. Then we start to talk and talk and talk and to my surprise, wow almost an hour padahal aku tak kenal pun mamat ini hehehehe
Tapi itulah hakikatnya, dengan rokok nan sebatang, a friendship was built. Dulu aku ada jugak tahu this kind of thing from a friend of mine tapi aku tak amek pot sangat as in - so kalau ko nk wat kawan dgn org yang tak merokok camne plak?- but my experience has prove otherwise.
Imagine, from that rokok nan sebatang, u start a friendship (tak kisahlah dengan lelaki ke pompuan ker, yg ptg friendship dgn org) then from that frienship it evolve into a relationship, to a closer relationship and closer and closer.... hahhaha kerana rokok nan sebatang gtew... camner?
Sanggupkah aku membeli rokok yang harganya mahal sekarang ini?
Aku beli untuk stok saat-saat bergembira sahaja hahaha

At Time LIke This

At time like this
I remember my ex

At time like this
I felt dead

At time like this
I miss myself

At time like this
I feel like running home

Saturday, September 03, 2005

God IT!!!
I always wonder, how can people have interest in IT and sort. This blog thing for instance is so sickening mcm menyusahkan aje. Why la I borther to have it in the first place. But the fun of it sangat menarik hingga aku tertarik untuk click anywhere that I thing will help solve my problem (the help section really not much of a help). this computer pulak lembab macam lahanat (can u swear in here?) but what to do, it's office computer so bersyukurlah.
Working here is like heaven tau. I got to do whatever I want as I'm the only staff here (jelous la tew). Of course when there's work, there's work. All you have to do on your own, sorang-sorang and single2. Nobody gossip, nobody say things bout you it just plainly you and you hehehehe.
So, who want to trade job? Sori ler... though the payment not much still I love the steady slow pace environment. Not that I'm a slow person, in fact I'm very much an extrovert and fast paced. It is just that here, I got to do my other job ... creating arts (read:theater) and flirt hahhaha
Here, I'll be busy as a performance is around the corner. There's posters and flyers to distribute, a press release to finish and than distribute to the press and later on set for an interview, follow up, follow up, appointments to make, follow up again hehehe ingat senang ker? and it got worse when there's back to back performance like one after another. Though it usually has a week gap but here a week is just like a day. luckily practitioners here were not born to be a stuck up one so most of the time the work is smooth sailinglah. Beranilah kekwat2 dgn kakak, nanti kakak sula vurets uols!!!
And I alwasys got to see the rehearsals. After sometimes bergelumang in the theater world, I find that watching a dress rehearsal or a pocket rehearsal is more entertaining as there's lot more happening. You got to see directors shouting at the top of their lung to the players, actresses and actors weeping and look lost like a baby in the middle of a mall, crews sweating like a pig and swearing to the directors for changing the settings in the very last minute hahahha there's more colour behind the scene rather than the one that you got to see on the performance day.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

First n foremost thank you to my friend Chi (all the way in Maryland, US) for the username. very ticklish... huh been trying all sort of username but all fail. Nevertheless this new artisticklytouchy is very awesome hehehe even I'm wondering what it means. People, give some thoughts la, what u think it means (no price 4 grab).
Welcome 2 my blog. The name Sentuhanseni is a direct translation from the english version that I have been using for years which is art_touch (which is also my email add). It is to imply that whatever I touch, I touch with appreciation, love and care. So it will return to me an admiration, thoughts and lots more like what a fine art piece did to you (any form of art). I enjoy Arts very much, make it dance, theater, fine arts or whatever forms it comes as long as it is call arts (even the wayy you pee is a form of arts - heheheh) but mostly I have made myself busy with appreciation towards theater. Even now I'm working with The Actors Studio @ Greenhall, Penang as a supervisor and on most of free time (beside cruising and flirting wif mens) I do theater. tengoklah apa yg ada, selalunya I'm the producer but sometimes I directed, sometimes acted, c which is bestlah.
I'm 26 yrs and 2 days old as today hehehehe yes I was born a day before merdeka and no, i got no ability to withold my appearance into the world - that is all Gods doing (tuhan punya kerja). So sad horr, if not the whole Malaysia will have a cuti for my birthday hehee nevermindlah.. still people remember merdeka, people remember me even though a day late (kalau tak, tak di inventlah perkataan belated birthdaykan)
Currently working and living in Penang. Last time, when I was very new to Penang I use to believe Penang nih mcm pulau buangan. Bosan giler, macam manalah mak n bapak aku bleh hidup n membesar di Penang nih - pada tahun2 50, 60 dan 70an plak tew. Even now pun tmpt nih boran (a mix of bosan + boring) giler. But that was then, now is now. Now I have learn to love this place and actually happenning gak (certain area la). Not so happenning mcm NYC ke or London ke or even way to far comparison dgn KL tapi kira oklah kalau nk dibandingkan dengan Pagoh, Tanjung Agas or Olak Lempit hehehehe (jgn sentap ha...).
All in all, I believe in carpe diem (seize the day) as you live the life to the fullest, enjoy ur every precious moment as you never know what will happen next.